2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
