all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
