I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
