Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
