Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
