what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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