Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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