this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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