someone threw a dead crab at me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize