On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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