I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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