"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
