you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
