shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
