Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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