at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
