She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
