i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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