mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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