Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
