if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just googled if crying burns calories
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
