you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
