Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
