she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
