There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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