Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
