We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
