Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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