It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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