If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
