you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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