hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize