Sry I called you an 8
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
