I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
too bad you live with your parents still
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
