Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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