I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
