U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
