I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
