wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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