roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
