forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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