I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
