Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
