Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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