a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
