I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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