I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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