Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
