Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
