she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
