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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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