Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
