That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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