I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
