Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
