So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
