He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
